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Tuesday, November 13, 2007

4 Out of 5 Twitterers Surveyed Said....!

Any ensuing Twitter search, performed at TwitterVolume, are in no way intended to represent anything accurately.  They are done mainly for fun BUT... are also meant to convey a latent possibility about Twitter that, if properly understood and developed, can be VERY, VERY powerful and, quite possibly, VERY, VERY dangerous..

But for now, you need to know that there are...

The 3 Quintessential Groups of People Twittering and Tweeting On and About Twitter:

  1. The early adopters:  you could take the old "tin cans and a piece of string", repackage it and throw it to a pack of these types and they'd tell all their friends about it as if it were the next best thing since Marconi came out with Morse code.  Early adopters don't even necessarily care about all the nooks and crannies, twists and turns, or potentials of a new technology.  They just know that it's markedly different and it [enter some benefit here like "made their pizza warmer" or "cancelled out the frequency of their bosses voice"] and that's good enough for them. 

    Early adopters will spread the word faster than a case of dysentery passing through a boatload of stowaways.

    So if you're an early adopter, nothing short of a long stay at a top-notch mental health facility will make you aware that your habits mirror those found on MTV's, "The Real World." (hint, none of it's real).
  2. The curious but skeptical:  these people are reminiscent of those mid-sized bass who circle a bait for like an hour before finally saying, "Okeedoke... ain't seem to be no hooks 'round here!" even though 2 million other bass have just gone tearing through "the sky" on the wings of an exact copy of the "dinner" on which they're about to "Pownce." 

    The curious but skeptical will almost always bite if you can keep their attention long enough and/or keep new, flashy competition at bay.  If you're one of them, a good exercise for you would be to visit a Zen monastery in Burma and study Visspasana meditation for about 6 months.

  3. The "what-the-heys":  this clan's holy symbol is a Guinness Book of World Records size question mark.  Not only do they not get Twitter but they also don't even try to get it... unless you consider blogging an "I don't get it!" post as some kind of an unconscious cry for help.  A good example of their being stymied would be single-serve coffee makers. 

    What-the-heys could easily understand how making coffee at home could result in $X saved every year but they wouldn't fathom why anyone with a good old-fashioned coffee maker would want to pay more, on a per-pound basis, for the single-serve packages.  How about, "because good coffee is already $7.99+/lb and if you're wasting 1 or more cups per brew then single-serve is a potential money-saver, ya stooge!" 

    What-the-heys tend to not order a $4 glass of wine on a flight because they know they can get if for a dollar less at the airport.  So if you're a "what-the-hey", a good exercise for you would be to watch re-runs of McGuyver.

Ok, now that I've unintentionally insulted about 95% of my readership, let me explain why it's useful to know that...

YOU (go look at the date) are only seeing the "humble beginnings" of the Great Starship Twitterprise.  As far as I'm concerned, it is THE MOST INSIDIOUS social media application I've ever seen.  And since I don't sit at home doing full-scale, techno-droid analysis of each one, feel free to discount that statement to your heart's delight.  But mark my words....

If You Think You Have Issues With the Patriot Act...

If government jackals start kicking down doors in the middle of the night without issuing warrants, in the very least, you have the power to revolt.  But what can you do when you have 100s of tentacles in you, feeding voraciously on the most precious stuff you, or any human being, have to offer:  ATTENTION.

social medias robert scobles starfish is not you - its EATING you.
Oh shit!  So you meant the Scoble Starfish is EATING me?

"Argument One--The Mediation of Experience

"As humans have moved into totally artificial environments, our direct contact with an knowledge of the planet has been snapped. Disconnected, like astronauts floating in space, we cannot know up from down or truth from fiction. Conditions are appropriate for the implantation of arbitrary realities. Television is one recent example of this, a serious one, since it greatly accelerates the problem." Jerry Mander, The Four Arguments for the Elimination of Television

Now, I am not a conspiracy theorist but, if your head has been in this game a while, you'll have undoubtedly found a number of the "What-the-heys" who are blogging, "I just don't get Twitter!" or "What's the big deal with Twitter?" and I believe they deserve a response that doesn't, AS USUAL, emphasize only the "happy-happy-joy-joy" aspects of it.

After all, wouldn't emphasizing only the positive and ignoring all of the negative about social media applications, like Twitter, pretty much put you in a similar category as Donald Rumsfeld?

The fact is, any benefit of individuals (or local organizations) using Twitter is vastly overshadowed by what it portends in benefit to major corporations (or individual rogues who know how to tap into and/or manipulate its data).  For what you really have on a MOMENT-TO-MOMENT basis are a bunch of fairly intelligent, technologically savvy individuals blurting out whatever the heck they want, from pretty much wherever they want and have it almost instantly read by others however they want from wherever they want. 

Almost Sounds Like Freedom, Huh?

I would almost bet you ANYTHING that Twitter gets snapped up by Google because data mining MINDLESS activity of this kind and magnitude is simply PRICELESS.  We're not talking about the oh-so-revered "targeted search" at Google, or the supremely glorified site metrics from your favorite analytics.  We're talking about what millions upon millions of people do WHEN THERE'S NOBODY HOME.

The joke backfired and the house burnt down.

Oh I know many people reading this will think that they're perfectly fine and conscious when they're mobile twittering from the local car wash:

click here to see 2 months worth of car wash twittering!

I know, I know... we're all perfectly conscious all of the time, right?  But are we?  With Rich Schefren citing studies showing that the average CEO is productive for about 28 minutes per day and most of us unable to drive 30 feet without going into a hypnotic trance, are we REALLY so conscious?

So now, TWITTER is going to be the ultimate, REAL-TIME honey pot data center for how millions of otherwise "intelligent", tech-savvy people behave when they are free to communicate whatever they want, however they want, to whomever they want, whenever they want, from wherever they want in a totally hypnotic, tranced-out, unimpeded state.

"Welcome to TWITTER, the ultimate data repository for tapping into humanity's TRUE STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS living.  We hope your stay is enjoyable."

Essentially, it's data mining your unconscious behavior on a much deeper level than ever before without having to follow you around with a camera or install one in your living room.  You've done it for them!  On your mobile phones, too!  Awesome, huh?!?!

And Now for Something Completely Different...

The title of this article is "4 out of 5 Twitterers Surveyed..." and it began by saying, "Any ensuing searches, performed at TwitterVolume, are in no way intended to represent anything accurately."  So here's a few simple, fun searches I conducted using TWITTERVOLUME:

R - Rated:  What is the drug of choice for TWITTERERS?

I think you'll be surprised.  Oxys came in so low they were barely a blip.  Seems Twitterers are right in line with the national past time of a good ol toot every now with puff and shoot going neck-and-neck for second place.  Hippies came in a dismal last place with their trippy stuff.

But you'll be surprised which drug Twitterers preferred most!

X - Rated: What are Twitterers favorite Sex Act?

I think readers will be surprised who "came from behind" to win this one.  But you'll see that the data is going to rain hell down on men when Twitter reveals that things between men and women are still truly not, cough cough, so equal in this area.

G - Rated: What do Twitters Like to Drink Most?

The first soda company that comes out with coffee soda is going to rake it in... with or without an account on Twitter!  And let's just say that 7-up was no damn slouch!


As was previously stated, the examples given were meant for fun.  But they're also to make people aware that when the right billion dollar corporation comes along and invests in a decent piece of Twitter data mining software, all those seemingly insignificant tweets that people think are either cool, or not a big deal, or totally insignificant, are going to end up making someone a lot of money...!

The end-game for "Big Money" corporate entities is to get into the heads of as many people as possible so they can trigger calls-to-action, at-will.  Twitter is going to be an abnormally useful tool when it comes to achieving that.

But for now, have fun... and remember, Big Brother is watching you!

"And Please Stop By "The Big Twitter Experiment - And the Most Awkward Twitter Comment Ever?" And Help Out. 


Sam Freedom"s Internet Marketing Controversy Blog

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Igor Berger said...

Sam, very savy anlysis of what Twitter is about.

The hidden secrets of Twitter.

Igor The Troll

Sam Freedom said...

Thanks for stepping out of the primordial ooze to say hello and express your appreciation. I'm not putting too much stock into people understanding this or realizing the potential ramifications.

The alternative is not as attractive - a return to a much simpler way of life.

Igor Berger said...

Check me out on I think you will like what I have done.

Subliminal suggestion is a very powerful tool...

It is work in progress can go either way, depending on the participant.

Damn, I miss the swamp, maybe I should have chosen The Thing not Igor The Troll