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Saturday, February 12, 2005

How I Discovered the 2-Step Knockout (Humor)

[This originally started as a post I began on
a forum and it was titled, "BEWARE!" If you
insist on reading while having liquid in your
mouth, please do so at your own risk.]

Subject: BEWARE!

Message: Sam Freedom has a blog.
It came as a matter of consequence.
I had irons in so many other fires,
that the only reason I started a blog
was when I set my perpetual traffic machine
in motion. And since one of the lesser
known methods incorporated was the right
use of a Blog Ad Exchange, I naturally had
to start a blog.

The Perpetual Traffic Method is about as close
to really perpetual as it comes....I've even
devised it to keep up with the current birth
rate, inversely proportionate to the amount of
people using the internet. And I've also worked
into the formula, the gradual liberation of women
from all Muslim countries which will see a huge
surge in internet use.

Also factoring in will be twice as many sea turtles
laying twice as many eggs this year thanks to a
team of scientists. This translates into a flourishing
turtle poaching community along the shores of Brazil
which means less homeless children and more turtle meat
for everyone, plus increased use of internet access.

I know that all seems very difficult to comprehend,
but imagine how *I* felt. I was painfully close to
the final product but for one peace which, owing to
a sharp knock on the skull, appeared to me out of nowhere.

It happened on a late december evening.
An icicle fell off of a brothel that I swear I was
just walking by and fortunately it half-gatored and
instead of goring my skull, it just slightly squashed it.
And I came to with a pack of 5 feral dogs gnawing on my
right leg. It wasn't so much the gnawing the bothered
me but it was the WAY they gnawed.

It reminded me of my uncle jerry when he at a lamb leg.

Anyways, so I shooed them away and, as was customary in
such situations, I proceeded to fashion a tourniquet from
a white silk tie my fiance had bought me just before she
left me for a Brazilian turtle poacher. But no sooner had
I finished tying the tourniquet guessed it...

...another icicle.

Only this time, since I was closer to the ground, it had
ample time to full gator and it expressed itself as a
medieval battering ram but with the precision and strength
that only a lengthy partnership with gravity could produce.

I awoke to my left leg being gnawed by a pack of feral cats --
I'd tell you how many but there were too many to count. And it
was my left leg, so thankfully, my tie, my last memory of my
unfaithful fiancee, remained intact. And being a cat lover, I let
them gnaw for a little longer before I shooed them away, but I
invited a gentle smaller one to come back and gnaw a little longer
so it could catch up to the other cats in size.

Oh right, the missing part of the formula...

Where was I? Oh yes, so I laid back down and started to reflect
on the frostbite that was deading the nerves in my gnawed legs.
But before I was completely paralyzed and left to freeze to death,
I saw a comet in the night sky. And that's when it occurred to me.

The missing ingredient!!

You'll have to see for yourself, actually. It's in an article
titled, well, see if you can find it -- we've only just begun so
there's only 3 articles for you to peruse, but I think the very
first one you read (the 3rd one as of this writing) will be pretty
entertaining in it's own right.

The address is in the link.

The Gnawed Legs Foundation

Sam Freedom"s Internet Marketing Controversy Blog

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Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Free Advertising in the Grey Zone: CHAIN LETTERS!

Mornin' folks (at least, it's morning here),

I tell ya, I take care of my peeplez. So today, I'm sharing a hearty free advertising secret that anyone can put to use IMMEDIATELY. Remember the first post and all that talk about controversy? Well, what could be more controversial than free advertising through chain letters? ;-) Yeah, that's right -- free advertising via CHAIN LETTERS.

Quick, call the cops!

I'll spare you the brief history of chain letters, but I'm not really talking about those illegal things that pretend to be from the National Wellness Foundation or that tell you to send a $1 to the 5 people on the list OR ELSE...but just the kinda sort thing you'll see right here:

SMILE! (opens in a new window)

Now for those of you who made it back here, congratulations! Do you see the powerful potential in that? As long as the advertisement is cleverly inserted and runs with the theme, feeling or sentiment of the viewers, you're talking about a real winner for your online business. When you clicked "Search", and found yourself in my advertising network (which, at this point, extends to over 3,000 different spots on over 3,000 search portals, and growing), an ad TARGETED specifically for you came up in 3 places:

1) Top Left Spot;
2) On Top of the Search Results; and
3) On the Right Side Billboard Tower (a bonus showing for pro members)

That's because I've pre-loaded that search box with a keyword phrase on which I'm confident most of that target audience will gladly and curiously search. And that means -- FREE ADVERTISING -- because in my search portal back office, I've PRE-SET those 3 ads with the phrase "COOL_STUFF_FREE". It's a VERY powerful backoffice in that regard. There's so much power to it, that I'd have to write about it in another letter, OR you can begin an investigation on your own:


Look, you can even insert it in your blog! Leave the keyword in there, and click "Search" to see what ads I pre-loaded with it.

Internet search by SearchEstate

The potential with this is amazing! Since free advertising through LEGAL "chain letters" is the focus here, I'll leave that for another post. Just remember--

1) While I use the controversial term "Chain Letter," it does not refer to the ones we've all come to know as illegal. So be responsible. If you need a definition of what's legal or not, start with this:

Chain Letters Explained

2) You must never sell anything in the letter. Simply sending your friends a letter of good cheer that truly makes them smile HAS VALUE. Making it easy for someone to perform a web search HAS VALUE. It's not a dull, unimaginative letter, often sent by strangers, suggesting ill fortune if certain rules aren't followed. This is friend to friend saying, "Hi. How are you? I love you and want you to be happy!" and since statistics show that 30% of the time people leave a website it's to go to a search engine. Well, then, isn't it a great courtesy to save them the extra click? ;-)

3) Though I'm using a certain company's search box to illustrate this, they are in no way shape or form affiliated or linked with this blog. This is just one man's idea - and as you'll soon see, I've many of them. And furthermore, I'm not saying anyone SHOULD do anything -- remember, this blog discusses those borderline, grey areas of marketing and dares to provoke discussions on it. As an old saying goes,

"Play rough, but play fair."

Now, if you haven't figured it out by now-- someone sends you one of those letters, and as always, they leave all their friends names in forwards. Well, it's my understanding that as long as you're not directly advertising, and the names did legally show up in your inbox, you're well within your rights to "REPLY TO ALL" with your search engine box in the reply (mine is set up as a signature file after I edited a little bit with an HTML editor.) and an added note saying,

"Hey, THANKS for thinking of me. As always, this is awesome; keep 'em comin'! But since 30% of people leaving an email or webpage are headed to a search engine, wouldn't it be a great courtesy to send 'em one *IN* the email?!! I've included one to show you. You can use it or get your own. Luv ya!"

Then each of them sends it to 15 friends, and so on, and so on. Your spreading good cheer and making it easier for everyone to perform a search! How thoughful of you! ;-) Just a little ingenuity can go a long, long way, folks...! And that's exactly what I'm here to show ya...

Your friend,

Sam Freedom
Where to now, Jeeves?

Internet search by SearchEstate

Sam Freedom"s Internet Marketing Controversy Blog

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Monday, February 07, 2005

UNLIMITED Free Advertising via "The 2-Step Knockout"

Free Advertising!
Free Advertising!
Free Advertising!


You see it all over the web, but is it really free advertising? In some cases it is, but either it is pitifully small advertising and requires no effort on your part (and therefore remains pitifully small) or it promises the potential for a huge return but an effort is required of the advertiser and even then there's no guarantee of results.

So why bother?

I mean, if the free advertising being offered were so great, wouldn't the advertising company be able to charge a reasonable fee for it? Or maybe it's the advertising company that benefits the most by offering free advertising, as some of you well know, due to the "UPGRADE." Yes, "Become a PRO member" and you will receive yada yada yada. Some of it can be good, but most of it isn't worth it. Only if they succeed in bamboozling enough people with free advertising claims can they make those claims come even close to true.

But I discovered a secret about free advertising, but it's not a true secret because a few here and there already realize it. But very few understand how to put it to use. It's the closest thing to a perpetual motion machine there is. The true perpetual motion machine is LIFE -- humanity, in particular, and if you can tap into that movement, you can get some SERIOUS free advertising....BY COMBINING METHODS INTELLIGENTLY.

Instead of laying it all out here, I've created a page of several key free advertising resources that, when combined, will unleash massive amounts of traffic, but you must see for yourself!!


I tell all the people I train, the following:

If you don't have the money to buy high quality targeted advertising, then you must resort to free advertising. But work SMART, not hard. If you have to spend 1 hour to learn the system, and then 1 hour per day working it, then IT SURE BEATS SITTING BEHIND A DESK FROM 9 TO 5 EVERY DAY AND HAVING TO WORK HOLIDAYS AND WEEKENDS, AND MISS LOVED ONE'S BIRTHDAYS AND SCHOOL PLAYS, ETC.!"

So when it comes to free advertising, THINK SMART! And I have. And I'm giving the blueprint to fellow marketers because I don't like hype and fanfare, and hypnotic marketing and lying and all the things that some random kid without a high school diploma puts into a "report" (sounds important) and tries to sell for $97 dollars. So I'm giving it for free, because it didn't cost me a dime.

So I've brilliantly combined 4 already powerful free marketing methods (more soon to be added) at the following site:


Please let me know what you think, folks.

Sam Freedom"s Internet Marketing Controversy Blog

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Saturday, February 05, 2005

Oh the Joy!

Welcome to what should have been titled,
"Sam Freedom's Controversial Internet Marketing Blog" but lacking the foresight that anyone in their right mind might want to go over 50 characters in a Blog title, I was, begrudgingly, forced to rethink my strategy. And by a strange twist of fate, I actually like it. So this will not result in the complaint you expected at the beginning of this paragraph.

Now how do I put this?

THIS BLOG has one aim in mind and one aim only -- the
controversial transmission of neat, cool, effective, brain-engaging, eye-popping marketing concepts via anecdotes, lectures,
silliness and anything else just plain controversial. No
olds barred.
So, if you think you might not be able to handle it...GET OUT
NOW while you're still basically happy!

Now let's not assume controversial means "evil" or "bad." It just
means -- controversial. Merriam Webster's Online Dictionary defines "controversial" as --

Function: adjective
1 : of, relating to, or arousing controversy
2 : given to controversy : DISPUTATIOUS

Now that's not very helpful, is it? So let's try "disputatious"
which is a word I never thought to use before today. So not only have I learned
something new, but I am also going to abuse that word for a while like everyone does when they learn a new word they like. Ok, let's have a look --

Function: adjective
1 a : inclined to dispute b : marked by disputation
2 : provoking debate : CONTROVERSIAL

Now THAT'S much better, dont' you agree?

You'd better not. This is a DISPUTATIOUS blog, so maybe it's time you stopped agreeing so darn much. But don't push yourself too hard. Once we get into the marketing stuff in the following DISPUTATIOUS posts, you'll have PLENTY of time to build and flex your

There are only a few requirements thus far -- keep it clean,
keep it above the belt, and no blatant advertising. Yes, we're all marketers here, so I used the word blatant on purpose. When you come in, please don't hide. Make yourself known -- dare to reply, stand up, speak out, make yourself known, let us know there's a new sheriff in town, or that the town isn't big for all three of us, or whatever, but don't just sit there and read like a chimpanzee trying to figure out what it's looking at....say something! You're a marketer for cripe's sake!

Are you ready for the first DISPUTATIOUS post?

Very truly yours,
Sam Freedom
Promote your blog for FREE.

Sam Freedom"s Internet Marketing Controversy Blog

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