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Monday, December 03, 2007

10 Reasons Why You Might Be a Pussy Blogger

1. You Moderate Your Comments

Oh like you're so important that a combination of captcha and akismet can't solve your problems.  Were you so overwhelmed by a domineering person in your past that you have to play out your "retake control" fantasies in your comment section?

2. You Repeat Tips and Suggestions That You Never Experienced, Especially With No Attribution

It's ok to post something like "How to Comment on Others Blogs for Traffic" but you damn well better have experimented with everything you're saying or AT LEAST cite someone who HAS.  That way, your readers have someone's actual block to knock off if the tactics fail.

3. You Try to Be Top Commenter On Popular Bloggers' Blogs

It's WISE, for example, to be top commenter on a high traffic, low comment, dofollow blog.  It's imbecilic to try to be top commenter on a popular blog under the impression that all the other commenters might visit you.  The truth is that all the other commenters will hate you because they were trying to be top commenter and you beat them to it.  Oh yea, that's gonna sit will with them.

4.  You Give ALL Your Experience Away for Free

You are too afraid of failure so instead of putting your experience into a book and charging something for it, you give it away to everyone like a dazed hippy chick at a biker rally, believing that they're really going to love you and support you.

If that's you, then "Earth to you!  You are not Mahatma Ghandi or Mother Theresa.  People are here to make money and giving away all your experience for free makes them secretly resent you for two reasons:  a) you're showing them how to NOT make money - which they already know; and b) you're saturating the market and making it harder for them to make a living.

Giving away something of value for free is ok as a lead in to a bigger offer but to give oodles of your hard-earned pearls away at no charge is a sign of WEAKNESS, not strength.

5.  YOU'RE AFRAID TO TYPE IN CAPITAL LETTERS!

If you're still saying something lame like, "Hey, don't yelllllllllll...!!!" when people type in capital letters, it can only mean you (or your parents) were avid users when CompuServe, TRS-80 and Apple ][+ were all the rage.

If you still do that to your commenters, or are afraid to use capital letters yourself, self-esteem issues could very well need some prompt attention.

6.  You Think Because You Do SEO By the Book That Black Hatters Are "Beneath" You.

Black hatters do what they do because they actually have an offline life they'd like to visit once in a while.  And I'm not talking about the "offline life" due to necessities like going potty and walking the dog.  I'm talking about like dating, having a glass of wine/brandy with the neighbors or taking their Lamborghini out for a sphinn.

They don't have all day to sit at home waiting for the GREAT LEADER GOOGLE to send them the next transmission on what is, and isn't, acceptable.  After all, Google never asked them whether or not it was ok to use their websites in order to build a for-profit search engine.  Google never did things by THEIR book, so why should they do things by GOOGLE'S book?

7. You Never Sphinn or Digg Your Own Posts Because of What People Might Think.

Darlings, if I have something time-sensitive on the menu, I'm not waiting for Little Red Riding Hood to traipse on by and post my articles to social media sites for me.  I'll be glad to take the lesser amount of traffic ON TIME than a greater amount of traffic TOO LATE.

This one also reminds me of that last piece of pizza that no one wants to take because everyone knows everyone else wants it and the person who takes it is going to get all the psychic daggers.  So then the last piece ends up getting cold and the fat kid ends up eating it like usual.

8. You Don't Sphinn or Digg or Bump an Article That Mentions You Because You're Afraid You'll Be Accused of Doing It for Yourself.

Ok, turn up your hearing aid... SO #!*&%* WHAT?!

The truth is, as long as you do such things with flare, there are people who will still support you because they want to learn to be more like you.  So what if you don't get max traffic because of it.  Most people who will admire you for being fearless don't get ANY traffic to begin with so start thinking in two directions instead of one.

In other words, fearing being disliked or fearing less popularity and therefore less traffic is just as narcissistic as submitting an article by, or about, you.  So go ahead, try it... it's like ripping off a Band-Aid; the faster you do it, the easier it'll be.

9.  You're Afraid to Use Something Like This!

Oh my, how could you DARE use such a nefarious piece of software to help semi-automate your submissions to dozens of social media sites?  That's right, just keep doing things LIKE EVERY OTHER NEWBIE WHO JUST CAME ONLINE THIS WEEK and some day you'll be RICH, RICH, RICH! lol

Seriously, my doggies, if you're somehow under the dastardly illusion that "getting a little help from your friends" is somehow unfair then make sure to tell everyone how clean and pure you are so when the holidays roll around they can each send you a nice card.

Really now... just try such a program even once and you'll suddenly realize that while I might not be your "friend" friend... I'm definitely your "friend".

10. You Don't Take My Advice.

Don't worry, there's no rush.  There's all kinds of people around the globe who are suffering right now, so you're in good company.  But if, perchance, you want that to change, even just a little, then think about everything I've said for a second... then make a clearly stated wish, "I wish to be more free of suffering." 

Then go re-read the "10 Reasons Why You Might Be a Pussy Blogger" and see if anything jumps out at you a little differently.

And if that fails you, ask questions.


Sam Freedom"s Internet Marketing Controversy Blog

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20 comments:

Pete said...

As usual, a good kicking in the Goolies Sam.
Wish I had your tenacity. The sad thing is, I don't even know what 'digging' and all the other terms you use actually DO!

We all see these terms at the foot of each blog post, even my own. But do I know anything about them??

Guess I'm a 'Pussy Blogger' then.

But your posts are so addictive, I reckon you got me for life mate.

Cheers,

Pete.

fred67.com

SlightlyShadySEO said...

I moderate comments, but only because Akismet can lick my nuts. Expect a post on it soon ;-)

Wingnut said...

You have a fantastically angry voice in your writing. I like it a lot, well said - one more for my RSS reader.

Sam Freedom said...

@pete if you can say "goolies" then I can say "shag" ;-) I want you to know, however, that you DO have the tenacity within you, you just don't have a reason demanding its appearance.

Maybe I'll be more clear next time around, but a Pussy Blogger is not someone who is sincerely ignorant. It is someone who knows what needs to be done to get what they say they want but find a number of reasons not to do it.

Thanks for your subscription.

@SlightlyShadySEO

Ok, so Akismet isn't perfect but here's what I would like to see that I think would be both fun and appealing to everybody and get you an increase in interested traffic:

Turn Akismet off for a month or a week, or like your next X posts. Then allow whatever spam gets through to remain, as part of a test that everyone can see.

You could go a step further and use Lucia's Linky Love plugin in the page I Sphunn at Sphinn and eliminate dofollow for the spammers but the bottom line is that a test would be fun and interesting.

And then it would be undeniably clear that you weren't a pussy blogger. ;-)

@Wingnut

Welcome to the controversy blog, Wingnut, where I demonstrate that it's ok to speak your mind loudly and openly... even if you're wrong; especially if you're wrong.

The way to higher understanding is through discussion, debate and argument. Before that, the opposites need to be brought into the focus of the awareness.

So hang on tight...

sunshinetrish said...

AGAIN SAM.........a FANTASTIC post. #4 hit me between the eyes. I don't have a blog, but have made many excuses why I haven't started. THANKS I'm saving this one for print just in case I forget why I have the urge to make money on the net.

Simonne said...

Is it so wrong being a pussy? May I remind you that most of the men on this planet are eager to get one?
Your article is very funny, and it touches a sweet spot: I'm so sick of those advices of not submitting our own posts to social media, that I feel nauseous. Usually, those advice-givers are backed-up by a big bunch of friends and fans who submit every single piece they write. My friends don't use social media, so I have to everything by myself if I don't want to get old before somebody thinks to submit my articles.

Jordan Pearce said...

I HOPE THIS IS A HIGH TRAFFIC SITE WITH LOW COMMENTS.

SlightlyShadySEO said...

Heh I'm far too vindictive to actually allow it through.
Especially because there's only 2 spammers that go after my blog, and one of them peddles the most bizarre porn you've ever seen. It's actually pretty terrifying.
The other guy though, is an effin genius, and I plan on picking him apart in a post pretty soon. As soon as I sanitize the screenshots to not show his URL(no sense in ratting him out)

Sam Freedom said...

@sunshinetrish

Thank you, Trish. If you're going to give it all away for free then send some my way. ;-)

But listen! I point to all the things here that people can really use to get started NOW. For example, there is a banner way below that used to be in an article. It points to Alex Sysoef's Web 2.0 Wealth. Here is the link: Web 2.0 Wealth for Novice Bloggers

Get STARTED!

@Simonne

There's something wrong with BEING a pussy; there's nothing wrong with HAVING one.

That being said, I pointed to the SOLUTION to your problem in Point number 9 - it's an extremely affordable application with a supportive COMMUNITY behind it. They will do what your friends won't do so that you don't have to do it all by yourself (and I'm not talking about your P!)

Here's the LINK again: Need a Community Based Semi-Auto Social Media Submitter? Click Here

@slightlyshadyseo

Why not just submit him to spamcop? Anyways, look forward to your analysis.

Sam Freedom said...

@Jordan

Sorry, Jordan. It was until I blew it by writing this post. :(

Tali said...

Sammy, you got balls, can't stay for long- I'm busy growing a pair of my own! :D

Tali

Turnip said...

Hey, damn good post there Sam. We share more views than I realized.

Anonymous said...

Sam, I'd rather be a p**** blogger than an idiot. Akismet sucks. If you weren't an idiot, you'd know that. You'd also know that Blogger sucks. :D

First-time commenters on my blog get moderated, but not by me, I got stuff to do. My staffer tells me this job takes approximately 5 minutes a day.

Sam Freedom said...

@Anonymous -

Sam, I'd rather be a p**** blogger than an idiot.

Congratulations on achieving both. Now you don't have to choose between them.

Akismet sucks. If you weren't an idiot, you'd know that. You'd also know that Blogger sucks. :D

Re-read - a "combination of captcha and akismet" - the point being that there are a couple of spam plugins like bad karma and lucia's linky love that can work small miracles for mentally-challenged folks like yourself.

First-time commenters on my blog get moderated, but not by me, I got stuff to do. My staffer tells me this job takes approximately 5 minutes a day.

Your staffer should be jailed for robbing the blind. Working for you must be like taking candy from a baby since a few simple plugins can take the place of your "staffer."

I'm sorry, you haven't proven to me that you are not a pussy blogger. Maybe next time. ;-)

vapparel said...

great work ,sam keep it up.

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