How do I put this? How does one break the news to an alcoholic, for example, that they have a disease that needs attention? How does one explain that if the disease does not get attention, the liquor stores, bars and alcohol companies will continue to bleed them dry until they die?
From what I've been told, you just tell them once and then step back, so here goes...
You're A Socialmediaholic.
Despite all the increased connectivity. Despite all the new connections and ways of wasti.. err, spending... your time, you are still a nobody, a no one, a non-entity, a loser, a big fat ZERO.
Go Ahead, Get Mad at Me
But there's the hypocrisy - because if you hated me for saying so, then you'd be hating the Buddha and Dalai Lama, as well. Since social media seems to appeal mainly to grassroots, peace-loving greenie types, I imagine that would cover most of you.
But if you're Christian, you'd be hating Jesus, too, who pretty much said that you're nothing without Him who was the only way to the Father. And were you really at church last Sunday, or were you Digging? Hmmmm?
And if you're Jewish, shame on you. What is one of G-d's chosen people doing flailing around in a Twitter box on Shabbos?
If you're Hindu, I'm sure Lakshmi has a much better vision of how a life can be lived than running around from social media farm to farm to get milked like a social media cow. Is that the epitome of luck and good fortune?
And if you're Buddhist, you don't mind, because you're already one with everything. Isn't that right "Oh, Brother, My Self?"
And So On, And So On...
So, you see, here's the myth - you were lonely. You were not happy. You had dreams and desires that you were not able to fully express, or even at all. So someone came along and pretty much said, "Hey, you know what? We can put these people to use!"
So they came to you and said, "Hey, you know all those goals and hopes and dreams you had that you almost forgot about because you couldn't fully express them, or not even at all? Well, we've created this cool, little application that will give you the ability to tell a whole bunch of people about them. And if you use it, we'll get rich because huge greedy companies will see us as innovators (read: predacious) and want to pay us for the privilege of milking and eating our herd. While, in reality, you'll just be talking to a whole bunch of people who, while chasing the dream like you, won't hear a word you're saying, because they are too busy hearing themselves, also just like you! Isn't it awesome!"
Rise and Shine, Buttercup!
So every morning, you wake up from that part of your shallow existence you accept as "a dream" and, feeling your nothingness dawning on you, you reach for your bottle of social media and keep drinking until all awareness of it is obliterated from your consciousness.
Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a small village to the north I intend to conquer today and I have to go ready my horse.
[just in case you think i'm really a meanie, here's something to provide you some counter-balance, "John Lennon Imagined Social Media" (thanks to Nick for stumbling this) - tell me it doesn't sound irresistibly wonderful and a whole lot more desirable than anything I've just said.]social media internet blogging socialmedia social news web 2.0 internet marketing twitter digg mixx sphinn delicious de.licio.us technorati reddit scoble flickr social bookmarking social networking social marketing social media marketing social stumbleupon facebook myspace youtube veoh craigslist john lennon buddhism judaism jewish christian christianity hindu hinduism sam freedom